.The Man Who Can't Be Moved.

Hindi to yung kanta. Nakakatawa lang that there are people who can't be moved. Nakakatawa lang yung pag nakita mo iasng araw, halos isumpa ka nila dahil sa mga nangyayari sa buhay nila. Whatever! choice nila yan. BVness go away. hahaha! i can't stop laughing.. tears are falling from eyes. ahahahahaha!

.call center.

Good Morning Philippines ang TEMA KO! why not lahat ng tawagan ko ay waley! ang opisina kong sing tahimik ng bar na walang tao. MYGAWD! why oh why?! Anyway.. eto na naman ako at sinsipag akong mag blog.. shet! kelangan ko ng client. funny pala.. ngayon ko lang ulet inupload ang cbox ko dahil may isang taong galit na galit saken at hindi maka get over! until now. so if am a DEVIL anong tawag sayo? :D wala! kasi walang madescribe sayo! :D

.This is NOT a GOOD -- bye.

Sabi nga ng friend ko na itago natin sa pangalang JONA JARVIK. Ang trabaho ay parang relasyon. Manliligaw ka para mapasagot mo ng "oo". Magiging friends mo ang mga friends niya. Pagiingatan mo para tumagal. Mamahalin mo para mahalin ka din. At dadating din sa puntong may hindi pagkakaintindihan. Ikaw ay masasaktan. Hanggang sa maiisipan mong makipagbreak at iwanan. Masakit na masaya. Masakit kasi yung mga kaibigan mo ng matagal na panahon ay mawawalay na sayo. Ibang mundo na naman. Bagong pakikisama at pakikisamahan. Masaya dahil "charged to experience" na naman ang tema ko.

Thank you....

.bored.

At dal bored na naman ako.. naisipan kong sumagot ng survey… funny lang.

 

[ZERO] Who was your last text from? - Jan Ian Piñgol

[ONE] Where was your default pic taken? - Soundesign - Admin By: Tanya Blay

[TWO] Your relationship status? - committed

[THREE] Where did you meet your crush? - jan sa tabi sinitsitan ko. hahaha

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend? - yep..name nya Richel. she died september 15 2002

[FIVE] What is your current mood? - blue

[SIX] Whats your brother(s) names? - renan, reggie and rj

[SEVEN] Sister's names? - none

[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now? - sa emergency room or psychiatric ward hahaha

[NINE] Have a crazy side? - hahahaha... sinagot ko na yan sa eight.

[TEN] Ever had a near death experience? – yes

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot? - internet

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone? - none so far.

[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like? - hanyak. huwat?

[FOURTEEN] When was the last time you cried? – matagal na. yessss!

[FIFTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for? – yes…

[SIXTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep? – anong susuotin ko bukas! :D

[SEVENTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? – Sweeettttaaaammm!!!!

[EIGHTEEN] What is your favorite song? - Beautiful surprise

[NINETEEN] What are you doing right now? – FB at panoorin ang mga artists

[TWENTY] Do you trust anyone right now? - syempre

[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? – sa ATC

[TWENTY-TWO] Have you hugged someone in the past week? – oh yesss

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe your life in one word. –ROCK n ROLL

[TWENTY-FIVE] Who/What are you thinking of right now? - projects

[TWENTY-SIX] What should you be doing right now? - umuwi na

[TWENTY-SEVEN] What are you listening to? – you're a god, vertical horizon

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Who was the last person who gave you a hug? – Jan Ian Piñgol

[TWENTY -NINE] Who was the last person who yelled at you? - Jan Ian Piñgol

[THIRTY] Do you act differently around the person you like? - no

[THIRTY-ONE] What is your natural hair color? - black

[THIRTY-TWO] Who was the last person to make you laugh? – my super friendly opismet Larry Cayco and Carl Bartolome

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you mad? – ammmm…..

[THIRTY-FOUR] What pets do you have? – hmmm.. yung mga isda namen?

[THIRTY-FIVE] Is your hair naturally curly or straight? – wavy.. (hahaha! Wala sa choices)

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before? – NAMAN!

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Hugged the opposite sex in the past 3 days? – oo naman. Boypren eh!

[THIRTY-NINE] Do you use smiley faces on the computer? – oo parang ganito J

[FORTY] Plans for the weekend? – hmmm.. dvd marathon?

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now? – oh yeah

[FORTY-TWO] Are you currently jealous? – weh! San?

[FORTY-THREE] What jewelry are you currently wearing and where? – earrings.. malamang sa ears and engagement ring..

[FORTY-FOUR] What were you doing Friday night? – nasa office.

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken? – shempre..

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broken someone's heart? – ammmmm…. Mukhang oo na hinde :D

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you're really disappointed with? - hmmm, mejo!

[FORTY-EIGHT] Last persons you ate dinner with? – Iris Lim and Criselle Partosa

[FORTY-NINE] How late did you stay up last night and why? – 1am. Kakauwi ko lang ng 12am galing office..saya daba?

[FIFTY] How is your heart lately? – ayun nga kay Elvin Luciano.. dahil sa omega 3… ayus! :D

.basag.

tumayo ako sa tapat ulit ng salamin. tinapik tapik ang mukha. sabay tanong "ikaw pa ba yan?" nakatitig. nakakatunaw. iniisip kung tama pa ba? masaya pa ba? ang daming tanong. pero hindi masagot ng pagod kong utak.anong meron? anong nangyayari? bakit? tanong pa rin ng tanong ang utak kong di tumitigil mag-isip kung paano at bakit pero wala talagang sagot akong makuha... isang araw, sabi ng puso ko, "mahalin mo ang taong nagmamahal sayo ng totoo" kumontra ang utak ko. sabi niya, "nagmamahal ng totoo? minamahal niya ang sarili niya ng likha." "ang alam ko kasi, ang pag-ibig ay binubuo ng pagmamahalan ng dalawang tao. kaya niyo pinasok ang relasyon na iyon ay para magtulungan." "ang sarap siguro na pag gising mo sa umaga na magaan ang pakiramdam mo. yayakapin ka ng mahal mo at sasabihin sayong ok lang ang lahat. kapag masama ng loob mo sa kanya, makikinig at sasabihing pasensya na. ang tagal naman. kelan ba?

.red wall.

Tulala. Nagiisip kung tama na nga ba o itutuloy pa.

Heto na naman ako. Tumitipa sa keyboard ng hindi iniisip kung anong dapt isulat.

Wala na ba talaga akong masayang maisusulat?

 

Ang sabi mo sakin, ang susunod mo sanang mabasa ay tungkol sa mga masasayang araw nating magkasama.

Pero minsan ang utak ko ay hindi gumagana kapag Masaya.

Iba na nga ba talaga ang nakikita ko?

Malabo ang paninging nakatitig sa pulang dingding.

Sumasangayon sa nararamdaman.

Blanko.

 

Kumakapit sa natatanging bagay na aking alam.

Pero kumakalas sa tuwing naiisip kong dapat ay tama na.

Gusto kong itigil ang pagiisp at ang pagtakbo ng oras.

Kung may kakayahan lang, bakit hindi diba?

 

Tuturuan ko ang aking isipan.

Alam kong kaya pa at kakayanin pa.

Kahit pagod, alam kong kelangan.

Mahal kita at yun ang tama.

. God Bless my fan.

To my fan... Nagpapasalamat ako sa walang sawa mong pagsuporta. Nagpapasalamat ako sa mga comments mong lagi akong pinapatawa. Sa pagiging stalker ng dating mo at napapansin kong di ka pa din nakakamove on sa life. Sa mga pangalang ginagamit mo na rumirepleksyon sa totoo mong pagkatao. Sa buhay na patuloy na ipinagkakaloob sayo dahil nagkakaroon ka pa rin ng chance maramdaman ang sarap ng hangin at makita ang napakagandang Pilipinas. At nagpapasalamat ako dahil nagkakaroon ka ng chance na bisitahin ang blogsite ko at maglagay ng kumento. :) Bilang isang panatiko ng aking buhay, nagpapasalamat ako dahil alam kong kinakarma ka na ngayon at alam kong magpahanggat buhay ka kakarmahin ka dahil sa mga ginagawa mo. Alam kong marami kang sinasabi sa mga kapwa mo panatiko ng aking buhay. Nang dahil sa iyong ginagawa alam mo bang ang buhay ko ay bumubuti at ang iyo ay unti unti ng binubulok ng panahon. Hangad ko saiyo ang kasiyahan. may kasabihan nga tayo "Live life up to the fullest!" Hangad kong bigyan mo na ng panahon ang mga malalapit mong kaibigan at ang iyong pamilya. Suhestyon kong sila ay iyo ng yakapin. Nalalapit na ang paglilitis. Huwag kang mag-alala, dahil ipagdadasal pa rin naman kita. Bigayan mo na ng katahimikan ang buhay mo, humingi ng tawad sa lahat ng taong nasaktan mo dahil nararamdaman kong hindi na sapat ang panahon. Mag-iingat ka at laging magdasal. Huwag kang mag-alala, darating din ang araw na tayo ay muling maghaharap. At sa paghaharap nating yun, ay baka sa harapan na ng iyong puntod. Wag kang mag-alala, hinding hindi kita malilimutan. Alam ko din na balang araw ay magkikita din tayo sa tinatawag ng LANGIT at haharap din ako kay San Pedro. Pero wag kang mag-alala dahil hidi pa naman yun ngayon. Kasi alam mo kung bakit? Marunong kasi akong magpatawad at marunong akong humngi ng tawad at mahal ko ang buhay na ipinagkakaloob saken bawat araw. Maraming Salamat muli sayo. Nawa'y pagpalain ka ni Lord. DHANG

.mirror.

nakaharap ako sa salamin. blanko. gusto kong umiyak.pero artista ba ko? sumasakit ang utak ko. sumasakit ang damdamin ko. pasan ko ba ang buong mundo? o sadyang pinipilit kong pasanin ang mundo?

.crucial.

Damn! I don't know what to do. I am scared and sometimes i really want to cry. Please please... i need strength right now. how do you heal a broken heart? no tranquilizer could sedate this pain in my heart, still hurting each day…i don’t even know if this heart is going to beat again even a bit after you hurt me..the pain of being cheated…i love you faithfully with all my heart but still you’re bleeding me to death..

.kill me.

i want to die right now. can you please kill me now? stab my back or even my chest... i hate it. i hate it when you always see yourself rather than feel me. i hate it when you always say that i don't love you. you're not the one i am wanting for the rest of my life. if you're not the one. i would rather leave you right now. i promised you everything. i even wrote you a letter to tell you how much i love you and how much i want you. but it seems to be ignored by your insecurities. i hate it. if you could only see me. if you could only hear my heart out. as if it was saying "can't you see? i am hurting." stop it. please. stop it. kill me now.

.rain.

hate the rain. hate the traffic. hate it hate it! hate it when someone is tripping. hate it! hate it!

DEAR JAN,

Dear Jan, I've known you for so long and I can say that I know you so well. I told you so many times but i still want to tell it to you over and over again. I love you. Though at times you may feel that i don't care about you, but trust me on this one, I LOVE YOU more than words can ever explain and more than actions that can ever express. 11 years have passed and i can still feel the chills when you’re beside me. I shiver, I think that is the right word on how to explain it. I am grateful that you came into my life in time that I needed someone to love me. Every night I am thanking God for sending you to me. You're the angel that pulled me up from hell. Whether we live in a fairy tale or a non-fairy tale world, I still believe there is such a thing as " And they live happily ever after", and even if you don't believe it, let's make it happen. It is you that i want to see waiting for me in front of the altar. It is you that i want to exchange bands and in front of God saying our vows that we are promising that till death do us part. It is you that i wanted to see every morning when i wake up. It is you who will hold my hand in the delivery room and waiting for our baby to come. it is you that i will grow old with. I'll be your eyes when your eyes get blurry, I will describe everything you want to see.. The skies, birds, trees swaying..everything...I'll be your hands when you can't handle things anymore, I'll be your voice when you cannot speak up anymore. And I will let you remember everyday how much you love me and how much i love you when you can't remember anymore. Now that we're together I promise to be always true to you, to love you and trust you. I love you more than anything this life can offer me and i will hold your hand until my last heart beat. I love you. Love, DHANG

.ako ba o ikaw.

kakatapos lang ng sandamakmak ng meeting. pagod na pagod ang isip mo sa kakaisip ng mga bagay na related sa work. tapos pag uwi mo ang tanging inaasahan mo ay ang taong hahagod ng likod mo at sasabihin sayong, "ok ka lang ba?kamusta naman araw mo? anong gusto mo? napagod ka ba? gusto mo ng masahe?" o kaya simpleng "halika nga dito, hug kita! " hindi yung sa bawat araw pag uwi mo ang maririnig "anong oras na? naghintay na naman ako ng matagal!" ARGH! ako ba o ikaw ang may problema. ako ba o ikaw ang laging panalo. ako ba o ikaw ang tunayu na nagmamahal. kasi kung ikaw.. bakit hindi tayo magcompromise.bakit? wag mong sabihin na ikaw lang ang nagmamahal. wag mong sabihn na ikaw lang ang nagsasakripisyo. kasi ang lam ko. parehas tayo.

.slut.

kung may isang bagay akong pinagsisihan. eh yun yung pumapatol ako sa taong walang utak. yun yung mga taong walang ginawa na lang kung hindi maghinala at tawagin ako sa mga tawag na hindi naman dapat. "BITCH", "WHORE" at "SLUT". pag tinawag akong bitch ng mga tao. ok lang! eh sa ganun talaga ako. i'm a bitch, i'm a lover i'm a child i'm a mother i'm a sinner i'm a saint.. blah blah! pero pag sinabihan mo ko ng whore or ng slut paulit- ulit.. pakshit! parang di na yata tama! parang may hangganan naman ako. i have been very patient regarding this issue. and i hate na paulit ulit na lang. and i hate when some people are making a big fuzz on what i am doing.bwiset! "YES, I AM SLUT! BUT I AM THE BEST SLUT IN THE WORLD!"

.battle.

am i fighting a loosing battle? am i fighting for nothing? am i nothing? am i fleeting? so many questions that i don't even know how to answer. i am staring outside my big window and all i can see is a blank space. i wanted to put some colors but my hands are shaking. don't even know what will happen tomorrow. but i am still holding.

.para kay sa kaibigan ko.

sabi nga sayo.. hindi lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa determinasyon. kung ang mga bagay ay kumukumplikado ng buhay mo. minsan marami tayong bagay na naiisip na nakakainis kasi alam mong gusto mong mangyari pero hindi mangyari. bakit? kasi choice mo yan. pinipili natin ang isang bagay na maganda at dapat dal iniisip na natin ang magiging magandang resulta nito. pero kelangan mo ring isipin na ang isang bagay ay mapapdali kung ikaw ay marunong tumangap. para kang nasa weighing scale. sa left, gusto mong kumapit. ayaw mong bumitaw. dal alam mong may pagasa. pero wag mong isipin. damahin mo. ano ang laman ng puso mo? hindi ng utak mo. sa right, gusto mong bumitaw. dal ayaw mong may masaktan pang iba. ayaw mong mahirapanang lahat ayaw mo ng kumplikado. pero naiisip mo ba na kaya mong iwan na lang ang isang bagay na alam mong dati sayo na? tanggapin mo ang mga pangyayari. hanggat kaya kakayanin. kahit isang daliri na lang ang nakakapit. wag ka munang bumitaw. kahit sagad na sa sakit. wag ka munang bumitaw. alam mo yung linyang "mahal kita, sobra.. kahit ang sakit sakit na?" o kaya yung linyang "bakit ganun sana hindi na lang kita minahal, kasi nagmamahal ako pero namamatay ako..." alam ko... hindi mo na naiintindihan ang mga bagay. pero kaya pa naman diba? kapit lang. pag hindi na. bitaw. masakit pero dapat.

.Away.

I've been away for quite sometime. I've been very busy with shoots and castings. Since last year, i never found an office that really suites me. Maybe i just miss the people whom I've worked with for the pat three years. My Soundesign Family gave me an extraordinary experience. Though there were tough times between me and zed, i never had a chance to say thank you to her because she made me strong. I was thinking, if she did not do what she did to me, am i the same person who is sitting next room to the VP Chairman of DDB and be appointed by my very beautiful boss as her assistant?Nah! I think I'm still there at the little corner doing voice samples for producers. I am not saying that it's not fun. Actually, there is this one time that i really wanted to go back and do the same thing again. Maybe, Casting is in my blood. But that's my destiny. I am destined to be here and do what i have to do. After my soundesign days, due to misunderstanding between me and, i quit and i moved up to the second floor where i met Kaps. Gigi Velasquez is i think one of a kind boss.. She's funny yet strict. i learned a lot from her and ms. Toni, her partner. i learned how to deal with difficult client and people. I learned how to smile everyday though you want to burst out in tears because of stress and I learned how to be humble because as they say, you cannot please everybody. After 6 mos. I resigned and Len referred me to Beyond Advertising. I applied as an AE and being there for a month, I can say that I am having fun. DHANG

.breathe.

when was my last post? October last year pa. kamusta naman yun. i need to breathe. breathe dhang. hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! hindi ko na maintindihan ang utak ko. do i need to find another outlet? please tell me that i still want to do this. please enlighten me on what's happening. i don't want to be clueless. oh! ok... hindi ako matanong na tao. but then again. breathe.

.tsktsk.

tagal kong hindi nag-blog dito. sobra. kita mo from october 2006 to october 2007. bakit nga ba? kasi alam mo ko na. may mga pangyayari kasi ng buhay ko na ayaw ko ng balikan. tapos.

Make me whole...

hmmm... nakatanga na naman ako sa computer na hindi alam kung bakit...senti.. hindo alam kung anong nasa isip.. tumitipa sa keyboard ng kahit anong maisip... background music? "I will be there" ni kyla... "I will be there, I’ll be there I’ll be your shoulder you can lean on I’ll be your friend you can depend on I will be there" tapos make me whole... hmmm. senti diba? hindi ko na kaya kung anong nasa isip ko ngayon.. natutuyot na utak ko sa kakaisip ng mga bagay... kakasagot ng mga bagay na hindi ko alam. napapagod sa mga pangyayari na hindi ko alam... napapagod sa mga bagay na gingawa ko na nakakapagpasakit sa mga taong mahal ko.. napapagod... please Lord.. make me whole again...